To Thine Own Self Be True: 5 Questions to Find Out Who You Really Are?
I am a firm believer that until you know who you are, you can’t really know what you want. If you don’t really know what you want, you can’t ever expect to get it from other people. This is essentially the detriment of all relationships (woman to man, woman to child, woman to friend and everything in between). We often walk about aimlessly in search of someone to read our minds and give us what we need. Have you ever gotten dressed up, gone to your favorite restaurant, allowed the waiter to hand you and menu and smiled with absolutely no conversation only for the waiter to bring your favorite dish to the table without you having said a word? Me neither! Life does not work this way. We must be ready, willing and available to place our orders in an attempt to get exactly what we want out of life.
I have learned that I can not place any demands on anyone else to assist me, guide me, lead me or simply stand beside me until I know exactly what I need. Most importantly, I must know who I am. No matter how we change, grow and evolve, these factors have a way of determining who we are at our inner most core: Love, Education, Purity, Money, Morality.
While I admit, life is an evolutionary process, when in consideration of the factors listed above, there are 5 questions that one can ask that will lead to the deeper meaning of who we are:
1. What would you do if failure wasn’t an option?
We avoid many of the things that our hearts desire the most for fear of failure. What would you do to live or make a life if you knew that you would not fail at it? I would have gone to college for business or film but I was afraid and chose education because I thought that it was safe. Knowing what we would do if failure was not possible can lead us to our inner most destiny.
2. What do you believe in?
I have encountered things in my life that provided clarity and confirmation that there was a power higher than me. I am grounded in my religious but most importantly spiritual beliefs and they guide my internal operating system. If I were in question of what I believed in, it would be equivalent to attempting to use a GPS that floated in a pool overnight. It simply would not work. Thus knowing what we believe in creates a roadmap and guide, especially in times of uncertainty.
3. What would you do if money did not exist?
Money makes the world go round. In most cases, much of what we do is for money. If money was not an object and it did not control so many factors in our lives, what would you do each day? How would you make a living? I would be doing exactly what I am doing now. Writing, producing, creating and sharing. This is how I know that I am walking in my intended destiny. I don’t mistake the fact that we need money to live, thrive and produce, I am certain that I enjoy what I am doing so much that money is not my motivation. Freedom is.
4. What has the most value to you?
In a recent post “I Hope You Dance”, I wrote about my dance with death. I revealed in the post that I thought that being a mogul and an astute business woman was what I truly wanted and I do enjoy those things but in those moments of priceless clarity, I learned that I most wanted to live, love and create. When you realize what has the most value in your soul, you will also recognize where you want to place the greatest emphasis and energy.
In my opinion, this is the most critical question. What you do when no one is watching determines how you feel about yourself. It is my belief that our self-worth is highly dictated by the person that we look at in the mirror. The world gives us a great deal of information that we can either accept or reject but only the one staring back at us in the reflection knows the truth about everything. There are days when I am most pleased with who I see and then there are other moments where I know that there is work to be done. Either way, the messages that I give to myself about myself are critical and developed when no one else is watching.
Knowing who we are is equivalent to intentional living. Indecisiveness equals instability and instability equals wasted time. I want to maximize every moment as it is not promised. So in the words of Iyanla Vanzant, I am always willing to do the work to know exactly who I am so that I can seek the specific help, support and love from those around me to become the best version of me for myself and others. How about you?